Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Unsolicited Advice for Parents-to-be

We've been married 5 years. We spent over a year on our nursery/playroom. I read everything I could get my hands on before we even tried to conceive. We are very aware that:

  • We will no longer get as much sleep and our lives will be changed forever.
  • We will have to take care of a baby and they cry/spit/poop/crawl/walk/talk/make mischief.
  • There is nothing like holding a child/looking at a child/giving a child a pot roast for the first time.
  • We are to be congratulated on doing something that mostly everyone else on the planet is also capable of doing.
  • Every other piece of "you're going to hate this so much" or "you're going to love this so much" advice you feel like giving us.


People are driving us bonkers. If we have a question, we'll be sure to ask all of the mommies and daddies we know, and you'll be in that big group, we promise. Until then, we don't need unsolicited advice and please don't congratulate us or touch my stomach. We didn't conceive for attention or for congratulations. The best and worst people in the world are able to make children. We're just somewhere in that group. We very thoroughly, carefully, and attentively planned to have a child so that we could pass our genes on to some little person who probably doesn't want a huge chest and sticky-outty ears. Please, for the love of Michael, stop telling us "enjoy those nights of sleep now, har har har." You're not making parenthood appealing for anyone with that kind of "special club" attitude.